Go ahead scissors, do your worst.

The scissors did their worst.


I find myself a crafty and creative gal. I have utilised my creative skills in Origami, Bird Housing, Smoothies and Seducing people. Obviously, my next outlet should be hair dressing.
On myself
Mirrorless.

I figured if I was looking at a picture of what I wanted, I would be able to channel my inner Reese Witherspoon through spiritual love.


Reese Witherspoon hypnotizing me with her hair


Unfortunatly now half of my hair is missing, and one side is two inches shorter than the other. Also, my bangs are sticking straight out. I don't know why. I don't even remember cutting them.

This is apparently karma for thinking that womans baby was ugly.

Something I've learned and I thought maybe it would be wise to share.

Now, I'm hoping I intercepted you on your way to wash your face, because I have some good tips for you that I learned through life.

1. There is a maximum amount of heat that your face can handle before your skin starts to melt off in patches. The hotter the water, the cleaner your face will be is not true. The hotter the water, the less skin your face will have is more accurate.

Also: Your face will not become immune to heat. Not the first, second or third time. Your skin will continue to melt and it's gross and unappealing.

2.If you have a facial cleanser that starts to give you a rash and make your skin itch and burn, it will continue to do so. It is not a one time thing. You will get a rash and be ugly. Ice helps.

3. Do not try to itch off a zit. You get a scab. It's moderately repulsive.

4. Sing to your face. I guess it could be coincidental, but I thought maybe, if I was nice to my skin, and sang it a song, all my blemishes would dissapear. They did. Just something to think about...

5. If you do end up doing 1-3, tell people you got in a fight with a bear. Make it convincing. You will be the coolest person ever and people will look up to your abilities and think you are mysterious.

Today Dr. Phil told me lying is a bad thing to do.

I was walking around town yesterday morning, and I saw my friend who apparently is no longer pregnant. Because she had her baby.

Ha. Bet you didn't see that coming.

Anyways, I ran up because I knew she had it with her, and it would be impolite to not go up and fawn all over the child. Needless to say I did not expect it to be the most hideous gollum looking rat baby I've ever seen. I was stunned, and momentarily speechless. I proceeded with "THAT IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BABY I'VE EVER SEEN.". I may have been overly enthusiastic because I was feeling she would sense my disgust if I wasn't. I also may have kind of yelled it into her face. Now it was her turn to be momentarily speechless. Eventually the silence ended and our conversation continued with normal subjects like "Blah blah blah, today on judge judy.." and "I need more firewood.", but we never really got over my explosion of bad lying.

Anyways, today I was watching Dr. Phil, and he says "Don't lie. If you do Satan will rise from a fiery cave and destroy your home" or something, and he said that the good looking baby lie is one of the most common...

Now I'm just wondering, is there any situations where it doesn't really hurt to lie a bit?

If you're good at it.

Which I'm not.

A little selection of my fears.

- Dying from an unknown disease
- Dying from cancer
- Dying in a fire
- Dying in general
- That I'm shallow
- That me and my mom will never have a healthy relationship
- Being mugged
- Halloween
- The dark
- Pilgrims
- That I'm infertile
- That there's something wrong with my stomach or something, and they'll find it one day and tell me I'm a freak
- Cowboy and indian movies
- Beavis and Butthead
- The Joker
- Spiders
- Thrift store clothes (I love the idea, and you can find some gorgeous things, but I always feel like I'm catching a disease being near them)
- Lagoons
- Shadows
- Buttons (it's a real fear, koumpounophobia. Google that shit.)

"grow up!" you say. Well stop.

Ever since grade 9, I've acted alot younger than I actually am.
Like, eight or nine years old.
I even had a stage where teachers were unsure whether or not I was special needs.
As in they'd buy me play-do so I'd pay attention in class.
I have a theory.
When I was nine, my parents got divorced.
When I was ten, I became clinically depressed and developped anxiety.
And when I was eleven, my dad started going through a string of health problems, which sent me all over the place, staying with friends, resulting in awful grades in school.
So what I'm getting at is, I think I missed some crucial years from my childhood, and I'm spending the rest of my life trying to get them back.
Which is impossible. Because even though in my head I am a little child, in real life I am a crazy person.

I just thought I would explain a bit why I don't make sense much.

Am I the only one? I doubt it, because that's what I thought with my phobia of buttons, and that is a 1 in 75,000 situation.

I do this thing where I have personalities to numbers and letter.
But not all numbers and letter.
For numbers, only 1 to 9 and 100 have personalities.
The rest are all distant cousins/family members of the main guys. So I guess they kind of have personalities. But not as much.
And A,B and C don't have personalities. They're tour guides. So the have jobs, but no personalities. They also have groups. Mostly pairs though.


1 - Bland, Boring. Also is a bride.
2 - Just a boy. Likes sports.
3 - Nasty and mean. Not well liked by others
4 - Good friends with 3, not really nasty though. Fake
5 - A "mans man". Macho. You know.
6 - Skater kid. Not really feminine or masculine. Likes to skateboard though. Slacker
7 - A regular girl. Really tall though. Gentle and nice. But really, really tall.
8 - Very studious. Shy. Boy
9 - My least favourite. Really snooty. I hate 9.
100 - Mr.Monopoly like. Kind of snooty, but more classy. Also a man.

A, B, and C - No personalities. Not like they're bland, I just don't know them very well. They're tour guides for a living.
D - Not very intelligent. If you've read Archie Comics (and I'm sure you have) think of Moose.
E - A very girly girl. Also a bride, like 1. I'm not sure why. Not bland though.
F - Kind of like 8, but not shy. Really annoying and an awful know-it-all. Girl.
G - A very good looking woman. Nice. Has a relationship with I.
H - Powerful woman. Likely a wrestler or something. Hates G. Used to have a relationship with I.
I - Really scrawny guy, awfully shy. Kind though.
J - A real comic. A Joker you could say. Ha.
K - Best friends with J, like, completely inseparable. An Archie Andrews like character.
L - A mom. Only has one child, a little baby
M - Powerful man. Moderately large. Not very nice.
N - A very timid creature, M's friend, but not really. He only thinks they're friends.
O - Large guy, professional. Lovely demeanor though.
P - A very finicky guy. Difficult to please. Really looks up to O.
Q - Business associates with O. Other than that, I don't know him very well. Smokes.
R - Smells awful. Social chap.
S - S and 6 are the same person/thing.
T - Funny, but not in a try-hard way like J.
U - Sneaky
V - A soldier. Really strict
W - A box.
X - One of those wild and crazy ladies. Wears lots of hats. Peacful, but wild.
Y - Y is a bird. A really beautiful bird. Part bird, part lady. More bird though.
Z - Z is a musical instrument. I don't know why

Just saying you don't have to go, but you'd probably be pleasently surprised if you did.

This can only be described as the funniest thing I have read on the world wide web ever. I had to pretend I was vomiting-with-quick-recovery so people around me wouldn't think I was nuts because for some reason it's socially unacceptable to laugh in public which is completely dumb because laughter alledgedly adds years onto your life. There should be laugh inducing things around every corner and everyone would be immortal. Other than being hit by cars and things. Which would probably be more common if people were busy laughing while driving. Oh well, it'll keep us from overpopulation.
Pretend I never started talking.
Her record of what she thought was going on when she started her moon cycle makes alot more sense than mine.
Most of my friends had already started and I thought maybe I would never have to get a period and never have babies and I would adopt children from all over the world. It was kind of like a super power of not bleeding out of my vagina.
But then I woke up one morning and low and behold there was blood.
I started having a panic attack and really hoping that I'd somehow cut my hoo hoo (which would have probably been way worse) and I was freaking out, because it was monday and I had school to get to. So I calmed down a bit, had my shower, but then I couldn't for the life of me figure out pads, so I had an emotional break down and didn't go to school for two weeks, which was exactly how long it lasted. It was the worst time of my life. My super power was gone, and I was now at risk for babies when I grew up.

Anyways, the moral is you should read her post.